You’ve probably heard a lot about nervous system regulation lately. Take a deep breath. Meditate. Slow down. Relax. Calm yourself. However, nervous system regulation doesn’t actually mean being calm all the time. Your nervous system is supposed to become activated. You need that activation to get out of bed in the morning, tackle a challenging project, exercise, respond to a stressful situation, have an exciting adventure, protect yourself when something is wrong—or dance all night to your favorite music. A healthy, resilient nervous system isn’t one that stays calm.
A “healthy nervous system” is one that can respond appropriately to what’s happening and then find its way back when the moment has passed.
Think of it less like trying to keep the volume turned down and more like having a volume dial that can move freely. Sometimes you need to turn it up. Sometimes you need to turn it down. And ideally, your nervous system becomes increasingly flexible at doing both. The difficulty comes when we get stuck: when the stressful situation is over but our body still feels on high alert or when we’re so depleted, shut down, or disconnected that we can’t seem to mobilize ourselves when we need to.
That’s why nervous system regulation isn’t simply about asking:
“How do I calm myself down?”
A more useful question might be:
“What does my nervous system need right now?”
Sometimes you need to slow down. Sometimes you need to move. Sometimes you need quiet. Sometimes you need music, laughter, sunlight, conversation, or something interesting enough to pull you out of your own head. And what helps your nervous system in one moment may be completely different from what it needs in another. So how do you figure that out?
Here are six ways to begin listening to your nervous system and responding to what it’s actually asking for.
1. Start With How You Feel Instead of How You Think You Should Feel
Before doing anything, notice what’s actually happening. Do you feel:
- Restless or agitated?
- Anxious or on edge?
- Exhausted?
- Numb or disconnected?
- Overwhelmed by noise, people, or demands?
- Lonely or withdrawn?
- Bored, flat, or unmotivated?
- Tense even though nothing is particularly wrong?
Try not to immediately label these feelings as good or bad. Think of them as information. Your body may be telling you something about what it needs.
Pause & Notice
Take a moment and ask:
What am I feeling in my body right now?
Not why. Just what.
2. Notice Whether You Need Less or More
This is one of the simplest questions you can ask.
Do I need less stimulation right now, or do I need more?
If you’ve spent all day answering emails, navigating traffic, caring for other people, hearing notifications, solving problems, or being surrounded by noise, your system may be asking for less. Less conversation. Less light. Less noise. Less responsibility. Less input.
But if you’ve been isolated, staring at a screen, sitting still for hours, feeling numb, or struggling to get going, you may actually need more. More movement. More sunlight. More music. More novelty. More connection. More sensory input.
Regulation isn’t always about turning things down. Sometimes it’s about gently turning yourself back on.
3. Ask Whether Your Body Wants Stillness or Movement
When we’re stressed, we’re often told to sit still and relax. But have you ever tried to meditate when your whole body wanted to crawl out of its skin? Stillness isn’t always the first thing we need. If you feel restless, tense, frustrated, or full of nervous energy, experiment with movement first.
- Walk around the block.
- Stretch.
- Shake out your arms.
- Dance to one song.
- Go outside.
Then notice what happens.
If you’re depleted, overstimulated, or physically exhausted, your body may be asking for the opposite: somewhere comfortable to sit, softer lighting, fewer demands, or simply a few minutes where you don’t have to do anything at all.
The question isn’t:
“What is the healthiest thing I could do?”
It’s:
“What would feel supportive right now?”
4. Check the Basics Before You Analyze Everything
Sometimes what feels like an emotional crisis is a body asking for something remarkably ordinary. Before trying to solve your entire life, check:
- Have I eaten?
- Have I had enough water?
- Did I sleep?
- Have I been sitting in the same position for four hours?
- Am I too hot or too cold?
- Have I been staring at a screen all day?
- Have I been outside?
Our physical and emotional experiences aren’t separate systems. Supporting the body can sometimes change how the entire world feels.
5. Ask Whether You Need Solitude or Connection
Sometimes another person is exactly what our nervous system needs. A conversation. A hug. Someone sitting beside us. Laughing with a friend. Being around people without having to explain anything.
At other times, even people we love can feel like one more demand. Neither response is wrong. Try asking:
Would being with someone feel supportive right now or would having some space feel better?
Then listen to the answer.
6. Experiment Instead of Trying to Get It “Right”
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that nervous system regulation isn’t a test. You don’t have to identify your exact nervous system state and then select the scientifically perfect intervention. You can simply experiment.
- Try stepping outside for five minutes. Notice.
- Put on music. Notice.
- Turn the lights down. Notice.
- Drink some water. Notice.
- Call someone you love. Notice.
- Move your body. Notice.
- Sit somewhere beautiful. Notice.
You’re learning the language of your own nervous system, and the more often you pay attention, the easier it can become to recognize what helps. The cool part is that the more you do this, the more you teach your nervous system how to move in between states more easily and not get stuck in one of them.
Create Your Own Nervous System Menu
Here’s an experiment to try. Make a list of things that tend to help you when you need:
LESS
- Quiet
- Dim lighting
- Time alone
- Slow breathing
- A warm shower
- Nature
- Rest
- Fewer decisions
And another list for when you need:
MORE
- Movement
- Sunlight
- Music
- Laughter
- Cold water
- Creativity
- Novelty
- Conversation
- Connection
Your lists may look completely different. You have to experiment and be open to results (based on how things make you feel). Keep them somewhere you can find them when you’re overwhelmed, because those are often the moments when it’s hardest to remember what helps.
You Don’t Have to Wait Until You’re Overwhelmed
One of the most useful things we can learn about our nervous systems is how to notice ourselves before we reach the breaking point. Maybe your shoulders start creeping upward. Maybe you stop sleeping well. Maybe every sound suddenly annoys you. Maybe you have a strong urge to withdraw. Maybe you can’t stop scrolling. Maybe you become unusually impatient.
Those little changes can become signals. They are not signals that something is wrong with you. They are signals to pay attention. When notice your signals, you can start getting curious about how you are feeling underneath them and find ways to support yourself through experimenting.
At The Lotus Center, this is the heart of our approach to Nervous System Health & Resilience. Through options including psychotherapy, mindfulness, ILF Neurofeedback, and intentionally designed sensory experiences, we help people explore different ways of supporting themselves and their nervous systems. Though we have evidence-based modalities to help improve nervous system health, we know that each person will respond to different modalities in different ways. We want to encourage our clients to find what works best for them, both in the clinic and at home.
If you are curious about some of the options we offer for nervous system regulation, you can learn more here.
