There are moments in life when you know something has changed, but you don’t quite know what comes next. Maybe you’ve left a job but haven’t figured out your next chapter. Your children don’t need you in the same way anymore. A relationship has changed or ended. You’ve moved somewhere new. You’ve retired. You’ve lost someone important. You’ve finally achieved something you spent years working toward, and instead of feeling complete, you find yourself wondering, Now what?
Or maybe nothing dramatic has happened at all. You simply know that the person you’ve been doesn’t quite fit anymore.
Welcome to the in-between.
It’s one of the most uncomfortable—and potentially meaningful—places we encounter in life.
There’s Actually a Name for This
The word liminality comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold. It describes the space between one state and another. You’re no longer entirely who you were. But you’re not yet entirely who you’re becoming. Think about standing in a doorway. You’re neither fully inside one room nor fully inside the next. Life has thresholds like this, too.
- Graduation.
- Marriage.
- Divorce.
- Parenthood.
- Menopause.
- Retirement.
- Loss.
- Moving.
- Changing careers.
- Beginning again.
Some thresholds we choose. Others arrive without our permission. And some are exciting and painful at exactly the same time.
Your Mind Wants an Answer Before Life Has One
Human beings generally like certainty. We like knowing where we’re going, what we’re doing, who we are, and what happens next. The in-between offers very little of that, so we often respond by trying to solve it.
What should I do?
What’s my five-year plan?
Should I stay or leave?
What does this mean?
Who am I supposed to be now?
Sometimes those are useful questions, but sometimes we’re demanding an answer from ourselves before we’ve had enough time to discover one.
Not every uncertain season is a problem waiting to be solved. Some are periods of reorientation.
You May Grieve Something You Chose to Leave
This can be particularly confusing. You wanted the divorce. You couldn’t wait to retire. You chose to move. You were thrilled when your child left for college. You worked hard for the promotion. So why are you sad?
Because choosing something new doesn’t erase what mattered about what came before. You can miss an old version of your life without wanting it back. You can grieve a role you’ve outgrown. You can mourn a relationship that needed to end. You can celebrate someone’s independence and miss being needed. You can feel excited about what’s coming and heartbroken about what’s disappearing.
Two things can be true at once.
Your Old Identity May Stop Making Sense
Some transitions don’t simply change what we do. They change the answer to:
Who am I?
If you’ve spent decades defining yourself through a career, what happens when you retire?
If you’ve organized your life around raising children, who are you when they become adults?
If you’ve always been someone’s partner, who are you when you’re suddenly on your own?
If you’ve been a caregiver for years, what happens when nobody needs you to provide that care anymore?
Sometimes the deepest uncertainty in a transition isn’t:
What should I do next?
It’s:
Who am I now?
And that question deserves more than a hurried answer.
Resist the Urge to Fill the Empty Space Immediately
The in-between can feel empty, and humans are remarkably good at filling empty spaces. We make plans. Download dating apps. Apply for jobs. Take on projects. Reorganize the house. Sign up for something. Anything to make the uncertainty stop.
Beware: Sometimes filling the space too quickly means we recreate the life we just left. Before rushing toward the next thing, consider giving yourself permission to experience a little not knowing.
Pause & Notice
Ask yourself:
If I didn’t have to decide what comes next yet, what would I be curious about?
That’s a very different question from: What am I supposed to do?
Keep a Few Anchors While Everything Else Changes
Giving yourself room for uncertainty doesn’t mean abandoning structure altogether. In fact, when something significant is changing, familiar routines can become especially valuable. Keep your morning walk. Meet your friend for coffee. Cook the meal you’ve made a hundred times. Spend time somewhere familiar. Maintain the rituals that still feel like yours. Think of these things as anchors. They aren’t keeping you from moving forward. They’re giving you something steady to hold while you do.
Pay Attention to What Is Emerging
Transitions aren’t only about losing what came before. They’re also periods when new things can begin appearing. You may notice interests you’ve neglected. Relationships that suddenly matter more. Questions you haven’t asked yourself in years. A desire for something you can’t quite name yet. An unexpected sense of freedom. A longing. An idea. A tiny spark of curiosity. You don’t have to turn every spark into a plan. Just notice it. Sometimes the earliest version of what’s next doesn’t arrive as certainty.
It arrives as curiosity.
The In-Between During Life Transitions Isn’t Empty
When we look backward, life transitions often appear beautifully organized. That’s when I left. That’s when everything changed. That’s when I became who I am now. But while we’re actually living them, they rarely feel that clear. They can feel messy. Uncertain. Exciting. Lonely. Liberating. Sad. Hopeful. Sometimes all in the same afternoon.
Perhaps the goal isn’t to escape the in-between as quickly as possible. Maybe it’s to become curious about what this threshold is asking us to notice.
- What are you leaving behind?
- What still belongs with you?
- What no longer fits?
- What are you beginning to want?
- And perhaps most importantly: Who might you become if you don’t rush to decide?
Finding Support Through Life Transitions
You don’t have to be in crisis to need support during a transition. Sometimes having someone alongside you can create space to explore grief, identity, relationships, meaning, purpose, and the questions that don’t have immediate answers.
At The Lotus Center, our Grief, Meaning & Life Transitions area of support brings together different pathways for navigating these seasons with greater understanding and intention. The space between what was and what comes next isn’t simply something to get through. It may be where something new begins.
